Monday, June 08, 2015

I'll Fly Away

Wheels up in a few days. Flight is paid for, (single) room is booked, and I'm doing laundry. Trips are hard, returns are harder, so Present Day Me is doing Future Me a favour by getting that sorted out now. Clean bed linens, underwear and clothes for work will be much appreciated when Future. Me returns home, overstressed and unhinged by travel.

I'm worried about the itinerary, costs and, admittedly, the heat. C'mon, y'all know I don't do hot places. But this is not my show, this is not my star turn. No, I need to shut off the maladjusted man inside of me and turn in a Best Supporting Actor performance like none other. My only goal for this entire trip is to shut the fuck up and do my damnedest to facilitate everyone else's good time...without assistance from Xanax or binge drinking. 

I might even buy myself a trophy when I pull it off. 

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Don't You Think This Sad Bastard Bit's Done Got Out of Hand?

At work, mildly hungover and blankly staring out the window when it hits me; we've been doing this for a decade. 

I thought about doing shirts, but money's tight. Perhaps arrange a happy hour, though I question who'd even bother to show up. 10 years of being drunk, miserable and alone. I have to stop and ask myself, "is this really something worthy of celebration?"

No, it's probably not. 

For a moment, I considered quietly shutting things down. Pull the plug and vanish. Turn off the lights and walk away for good.  

But I can't do that. 

Not yet, at least. 


Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Let Me Save You Some Money

Spring is here and whatever passes for love these days is in the air. Odds are you might be tempted to go and try your luck on a dating site. Well, in the event that you decide to go with Match.com let me throw you a tip or two that could save you some cash. First off, don't pay right away. That's right, sign up, write your profile, peruse the goods, and then putz around a bit. Depending on how desireable you are on paper, you'll get some page views, winks, and messages right out the gate. Resist the curiosity to see what your audience is like (only paying customers can read/send messages and see who has viewed their profile.) Match will bombard you with emails reminding you that you're a sought after member and that you should subscribe straight away.

Fuck that noise. 

Seriously, ignore their pressure for a week or so. Use that time to work on your profile, bookmark potential matches you'd like to contact, send winks, whatever. Hell, it doesn't matter so long as you don't pull the trigger. 

Then it will happen; you'll get an email offering you a discounted subscription! BAM! Good things come to those who wait, it's true! Use the money you saved to buy a round of drinks on your first date. 

I only subscribe for 90-day stretches, cos there's only so much of this shit I can take. If you're like me, but have a stronger constitution and are less prone to bouts of despondency, you might find yourself nearing the end of your short subscription but still have the desire to keep fighting the good fight. Cool. Here's what you do; cancel your subscription.  

Before they let you finalize the termination, they'll make a last ditch effort to get you to stay and throw another discounted subscription at you. Viola! Another couple months at the bargain price. Remember to do this about 10-14 days before your subscription is set to expire. 

But what if you're like me and you pull the trigger on termination? It's okay because THEY WILL HIT YOU UP AGAIN! That's right, don't fret if you have a change of heart, because you'll get an email offering yet another discounted rate if you come back/stay. Hence, the reason I suggested terminating subscription before the expiration date (also important to note because they'll just re-up you automatically at the regular rate if you don't do anything before the end of your term.)

Look, at the end of the day, the only thing I succeeded at was failing miserably. So, if you're playing to win (as you should be) then clearly I can't help you. I can, however, save you a couple bucks as you try to avoid ending up in the same boat as me.

Good luck out there.

Sunday, February 08, 2015

The Wanting Is The Hardest Part

The old adage that, "you can't miss what you never had" is as true as it comes. But wanting what you never (or rarely ever) had, well, that's another story. 

As humans, we've all learned to go without to some extent or another. So, outside of the basics of food, water, and shelter, we can still manage to get by. I found, however, that once you add desire or want to the equation, things get (or seem to get) a significantly trickier. 

Like with most things, I haven't got an answer. All I know is that if I could somehow flip whatever internal switch is responsible for making us want, well, then my life would probably be fantastic. Even if it wasn't, at least I wouldn't know any better. 

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Detox to Retox

After a particularly boozy and gluttonous Christmas season, I decided to start the year by doing a juice cleanse. It cost me a pretty penny, but now that I'm done I can honestly say it was worth it. Mostly because it reminded me that I don't need to eat and drink so goddamn much, but also because my pants fit better now. 

I always tell folks, especially us sad bastards, "sometimes, when you feel like giving up, what you need is one little win to keep you going." Well, given my New Year's Resolution overload, this cleanse was definitely that little win for me. With one thing marked off the list, I might just find the will to hang on, even as the others (fitness, dating, career, etc.) begin to feel more and more hopeless. 

I don't know when the next win is coming, so I'll enjoy this one for the moment. I'll also enjoy the pizza I just ordered. Because I earned it. 

Tuesday, January 06, 2015

...And In With The New

Clearly, my goal of writing a post a day until 2015 failed spectacularly. How long did it even last? Two, three weeks? Shit, man, I'd apologize but I feel like this is just another one of those moments where you cue up Harold Melville, "if you don't know me by now..."

If I were worth a goddamn, this would be an entirely different sort of blog. 

Anyhow, this year started off only slightly better than last year, which saw me capturing a friend and his now-fiancĂ©e's kiss at midnight on film, the. Trundling off into the night, shitfaced, to eat pizza with the rest of the dregs, I mean, revellers. Yes, this year I stepped outside my comfort zone and went to a masquerade ball. Before you say, "wait, that sounds exactly like your comfort zone!" let me add that it was one of those club-type events. Needless so say, it got so loud and packed that I vanished before the stroke of midnight, choosing instead to retreat to the relative calm of a familiar bar in Doctor J's South Capitol Hill neighborhood. Sure, I stuck out like a sore thumb, with my tophat, tailcoat and red cape, but it's New Year's Eve, so why the fuck not? 

Now I could tell you that big things are coming for the SBSC I. 2015, and you'd be right to be skeptical. But I'll remind you that we're rapidly approaching the 10 year mark. That's right; a decade of disappointment! I won't sit here and tell you I've got something amazing up my sleeve, because I don't. But I at least have an idea or two, and that's gotta be worth something. 

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Stow Your Sorrow

If there's one thing we can agree on here, it's that it's okay to be down. We all have our share of heartache, disappointment, or just plain shit luck; that's just how life goes. However, if it ever feels too heavy, you've got to take a step back and put it all in perspective. As much as it hurts, or as bad as you may feel about your burden, someone you know is probably taking a bite out of an even bigger shit sandwich. While that does little to help your situation, you can at least take comfort in the fact that things aren't worse. Not to mention, you can pat yourself on the back and make believe that you're tough, like all those soldiers that saw insane, horrific shit in WWII but then came home, bottled it up and acted like everything was totally fine. Because that's just what people did back then...and because depression/PTSD/etc hadn't been discovered yet.

Disclaimer: following my advice too closely might actually exacerbate whatever problems you might be dealing with; if they've become too much to carry, please, talk to someone and get help.