Tuesday, January 26, 2016

After the Storm

The storm's been over for two days and I still haven't bothered to dig out my "Bad Weather Car" (my daily driver will likely stay buried for awhile, so long as the aforementioned backup keeps running.) In my defense, I was hungover yesterday. So, there's that.

Clearly, I haven't stopped drinking since last I wrote. Though, I probably should. I have stopped running since then, but only because 1) it got cold and 2) it was hell on my joints. Mostly the latter. Since doing nothing (and getting fatter) was not an option, I bought a spin bike. I miss the feeling of being out in the world, but I don't miss the pain in my ankles, shins, and knees. Not to mention, I can watch TV while I'm spinning. 

Silver linings, right?

Anyhow, it's the beginning of another year and, as usual, I'm hoping to do better in all facets of my life. I was talking to SBAP back before Christmas and he said something to the effect of, "we talk about being sad bastards, but I'm actually happy right now." I was glad to hear it, but I'll admit I couldn't relate. 

Nevertheless, I'm hoping I can say the same thing about myself some time this year. 

It's been too long. 

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Sleep That Won't Ever Come

New mattress, new pillows, sheets, and still I hardly ever sleep. As much as I love drinking, I might need to stop. Reset my system so I can have a good night's rest for once. As much as I hate doctors, I might need to go see one. Can't get much sadder than dying of undiagnosed sleep apnea. I'm always alone in here. No one will find my body for days. 

Hoping I get a little rest tonight. Tomorrow is a running day, so I'll be up and out before the sun. Summer's eased its grip on the area, so now there are more people out jogging in the wee hours. Pussies. Where were they when it was 80% humidity before dawn? When I'd finish plodding along my route and would look like I'd just gotten out of the swimming pool. I shouldn't complain, hell, it's more eye candy, right? Of course, candy kinda loses its appeal when you can't have any. 

Thursday, July 16, 2015

An Anniversary of Sorts

I just realized that today marks exactly one month to the day that I decided I needed to start getting out of bed at the crack of dawn and running. I had to take a lot of showers whilst in New Orleans, simply because 1) it's humid as fuck down there and 2) I'm fat and sweat a lot. After a drunken, gluttonous night of partying, it only took one look at my naked body in the hotel bathroom mirror for me to realise that something had to be done. 

My scale confirmed things when I returned home; I'd blown up to the size of an NFL tight end. Minus the height, muscle, athleticism, and salary. With nagging back and neck injuries, I couldn't dive into circuit training or weights like I could in the past. Nope, I was going to have to do this literally one step at a time. 

So that's my life right now. Walking miles before dawn, running in brief spurts (mostly when I encounter hot chicks, so as to not appear as pathetically out of shape), and jumping rope because, well, I figure it can't hurt. I know a beach body isn't in the cards for me this summer, but I'd be more than happy if I could get there by New Year's. 

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Let Go

Just made a rookie laundry mistake and ruined a couple shirts. Definitely sucks, but it's not like I don't have enough clothes. Guess it was the universe's way of forcing me to scale back my wardrobe a bit.

Its way of making me let go. 

It's just as well, I'm surrounded by things. You name it, I've probably got it (or something like it) squirreled away here. Just waiting, and for what? A moment that'll likely never come. 

Pointless preparedness. 

Still, I'll get this wreck in order before long. Make sure it's ready for the one moment that's guaranteed to come for all of us. My entire lifetime packed and organized to that it can be cleared out and carted away in an afternoon. 

Maybe it makes up for the shitty Christmas gifts?

Monday, June 08, 2015

I'll Fly Away

Wheels up in a few days. Flight is paid for, (single) room is booked, and I'm doing laundry. Trips are hard, returns are harder, so Present Day Me is doing Future Me a favour by getting that sorted out now. Clean bed linens, underwear and clothes for work will be much appreciated when Future. Me returns home, overstressed and unhinged by travel.

I'm worried about the itinerary, costs and, admittedly, the heat. C'mon, y'all know I don't do hot places. But this is not my show, this is not my star turn. No, I need to shut off the maladjusted man inside of me and turn in a Best Supporting Actor performance like none other. My only goal for this entire trip is to shut the fuck up and do my damnedest to facilitate everyone else's good time...without assistance from Xanax or binge drinking. 

I might even buy myself a trophy when I pull it off. 

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Don't You Think This Sad Bastard Bit's Done Got Out of Hand?

At work, mildly hungover and blankly staring out the window when it hits me; we've been doing this for a decade. 

I thought about doing shirts, but money's tight. Perhaps arrange a happy hour, though I question who'd even bother to show up. 10 years of being drunk, miserable and alone. I have to stop and ask myself, "is this really something worthy of celebration?"

No, it's probably not. 

For a moment, I considered quietly shutting things down. Pull the plug and vanish. Turn off the lights and walk away for good.  

But I can't do that. 

Not yet, at least. 

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Let Me Save You Some Money

Spring is here and whatever passes for love these days is in the air. Odds are you might be tempted to go and try your luck on a dating site. Well, in the event that you decide to go with Match.com let me throw you a tip or two that could save you some cash. First off, don't pay right away. That's right, sign up, write your profile, peruse the goods, and then putz around a bit. Depending on how desireable you are on paper, you'll get some page views, winks, and messages right out the gate. Resist the curiosity to see what your audience is like (only paying customers can read/send messages and see who has viewed their profile.) Match will bombard you with emails reminding you that you're a sought after member and that you should subscribe straight away.

Fuck that noise. 

Seriously, ignore their pressure for a week or so. Use that time to work on your profile, bookmark potential matches you'd like to contact, send winks, whatever. Hell, it doesn't matter so long as you don't pull the trigger. 

Then it will happen; you'll get an email offering you a discounted subscription! BAM! Good things come to those who wait, it's true! Use the money you saved to buy a round of drinks on your first date. 

I only subscribe for 90-day stretches, cos there's only so much of this shit I can take. If you're like me, but have a stronger constitution and are less prone to bouts of despondency, you might find yourself nearing the end of your short subscription but still have the desire to keep fighting the good fight. Cool. Here's what you do; cancel your subscription.  

Before they let you finalize the termination, they'll make a last ditch effort to get you to stay and throw another discounted subscription at you. Viola! Another couple months at the bargain price. Remember to do this about 10-14 days before your subscription is set to expire. 

But what if you're like me and you pull the trigger on termination? It's okay because THEY WILL HIT YOU UP AGAIN! That's right, don't fret if you have a change of heart, because you'll get an email offering yet another discounted rate if you come back/stay. Hence, the reason I suggested terminating subscription before the expiration date (also important to note because they'll just re-up you automatically at the regular rate if you don't do anything before the end of your term.)

Look, at the end of the day, the only thing I succeeded at was failing miserably. So, if you're playing to win (as you should be) then clearly I can't help you. I can, however, save you a couple bucks as you try to avoid ending up in the same boat as me.

Good luck out there.