Sunday, February 08, 2015

The Wanting Is The Hardest Part

The old adage that, "you can't miss what you never had" is as true as it comes. But wanting what you never (or rarely ever) had, well, that's another story. 

As humans, we've all learned to go without to some extent or another. So, outside of the basics of food, water, and shelter, we can still manage to get by. I found, however, that once you add desire or want to the equation, things get (or seem to get) a significantly trickier. 

Like with most things, I haven't got an answer. All I know is that if I could somehow flip whatever internal switch is responsible for making us want, well, then my life would probably be fantastic. Even if it wasn't, at least I wouldn't know any better. 

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Detox to Retox

After a particularly boozy and gluttonous Christmas season, I decided to start the year by doing a juice cleanse. It cost me a pretty penny, but now that I'm done I can honestly say it was worth it. Mostly because it reminded me that I don't need to eat and drink so goddamn much, but also because my pants fit better now. 

I always tell folks, especially us sad bastards, "sometimes, when you feel like giving up, what you need is one little win to keep you going." Well, given my New Year's Resolution overload, this cleanse was definitely that little win for me. With one thing marked off the list, I might just find the will to hang on, even as the others (fitness, dating, career, etc.) begin to feel more and more hopeless. 

I don't know when the next win is coming, so I'll enjoy this one for the moment. I'll also enjoy the pizza I just ordered. Because I earned it. 

Tuesday, January 06, 2015

...And In With The New

Clearly, my goal of writing a post a day until 2015 failed spectacularly. How long did it even last? Two, three weeks? Shit, man, I'd apologize but I feel like this is just another one of those moments where you cue up Harold Melville, "if you don't know me by now..."

If I were worth a goddamn, this would be an entirely different sort of blog. 

Anyhow, this year started off only slightly better than last year, which saw me capturing a friend and his now-fiancĂ©e's kiss at midnight on film, the. Trundling off into the night, shitfaced, to eat pizza with the rest of the dregs, I mean, revellers. Yes, this year I stepped outside my comfort zone and went to a masquerade ball. Before you say, "wait, that sounds exactly like your comfort zone!" let me add that it was one of those club-type events. Needless so say, it got so loud and packed that I vanished before the stroke of midnight, choosing instead to retreat to the relative calm of a familiar bar in Doctor J's South Capitol Hill neighborhood. Sure, I stuck out like a sore thumb, with my tophat, tailcoat and red cape, but it's New Year's Eve, so why the fuck not? 

Now I could tell you that big things are coming for the SBSC I. 2015, and you'd be right to be skeptical. But I'll remind you that we're rapidly approaching the 10 year mark. That's right; a decade of disappointment! I won't sit here and tell you I've got something amazing up my sleeve, because I don't. But I at least have an idea or two, and that's gotta be worth something. 

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Stow Your Sorrow

If there's one thing we can agree on here, it's that it's okay to be down. We all have our share of heartache, disappointment, or just plain shit luck; that's just how life goes. However, if it ever feels too heavy, you've got to take a step back and put it all in perspective. As much as it hurts, or as bad as you may feel about your burden, someone you know is probably taking a bite out of an even bigger shit sandwich. While that does little to help your situation, you can at least take comfort in the fact that things aren't worse. Not to mention, you can pat yourself on the back and make believe that you're tough, like all those soldiers that saw insane, horrific shit in WWII but then came home, bottled it up and acted like everything was totally fine. Because that's just what people did back then...and because depression/PTSD/etc hadn't been discovered yet.

Disclaimer: following my advice too closely might actually exacerbate whatever problems you might be dealing with; if they've become too much to carry, please, talk to someone and get help.  

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Be The Change

Whenever friends complain about how messed up the dating world has become I always say the same thing, "be the change." People aren't up front? Strive to be honest and transparent. People are are always late or don't respect your time? Be punctual. The list goes on, but you get the picture. 

Well, it occurred to me this week that I'm not exactly practicing what I preach. You see, another thing I say is that toxic or defective types should remove themselves from the dating pool, so as to  keep from doing damage to everyone else. That said, when the mirror was turned back on me, it became painfully clear that I'm part of that lot. I could try to argue against it or rationalize my way out, but when I go back and examine my own history it's obvious that those are my people. 

That's where I belong

So, that being said, I'm finally going to follow my own advice and get out of the pool. Given my laughably low success rate, I don't foresee much of a change. 

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Horse Of A Different Color

I've fallen out of my rhythm again or, more likely, I never got it back. I'll just say that it's been hard to post something daily, when every day starts to feel the goddamned same. 

So, I had one of those moments of three the other day when I was talking on the phone to one of the SBSC West members. You see, he's got a kid on the way and we were talking about something like baby names or when to start teaching the baby how to handle a blade (an absolute must if you wind up with daughters.) Anyhow, we have a chuckle over something stupid like, me telling him to do all the official baby naming stuff after his girl has given birth and is worn out/drugged up. Then he could name the child anything he wants. Then he says something like, "well, you're up next so remember that."

As his words settled in my ear it struck me; that was the third instance in a month's time where a friend had (quite incorrectly, I must add) remarked to me that these life milestones that normal people experience are just around the bend for me. Because we're friends, I laughed and said, "man, don't wait on me...or else you're gonna be there a while." 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not spun up about it at all. It just stuck out in my mind. At the end of the day, it comes down to the fact that friends want good things for each other, regardless of whether or not life's trajectory has those things in store. 

Alas, it all reminded me of something I heard the reverend say at my uncle's funeral some months ago, "I saw two pale horses, side by of them horses, I'm gon' ride." No doubt, it came from an old hymn or spiritual and, of course the underlying meaning was that, when your time came, the horse would carry you off to heaven. 

Strip away the religious significance, and it's still a good metaphor. Those horses are side by side right now, but while one will continue on the prescribed route, the other will eventually veer off and go its own way. 

I know I'm on that other horse, but where will it take me?

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Other Voices

I don't read blogs as much as I used to in the past. Hell, I don't read anything as much as I used to in the past. But I tell you what, instead of wasting your time today, I'm going to send you over to one of the few blogs that I follow with any regularity these days. 

So, do yourself a favor and type into your URL bar right now. If you're a sad bastard, you'll probably love this guy's stuff. If you're not a sad bastard...why are you even here? Seriously, shouldn't you be off somewhere doing whatever it is that happy people do?